Chivalry is dead. But who holds the smoking gun?
I’ve had this conversation, or some form of it, dozens of times over the years with my friends (both male and female).
With my female friends, the conversation usually comes after some kind of dust-up wherein a guy does something douchy. With my male friends, it usually comes after they’re been on the receiving end of lady wrath.
Last night over a few glasses of wine, the topic of gender roles, equality and behaviour in general came up. The crux? Chivalry might be dead, but the ladies are the ones who killed it.
The comment was made that a man would never come up to a woman and say something like “I think you’re beautiful and a wonderful person” because more than likely, the recipient of that compliment would get all up in arms over that. There are two things at play here- first of all, in addition to being allowed to drive cars and vote and stuff, women also have the right to choose who they talk to, hang out with and even date. But with that can also come a sense of entitlement. I challenge you to find a girl who has never been an outright bitch to some poor sucker who finally gathered the courage to talk to her, (whether at the bar on a Friday night or during the daylight hours). But because she deemed him creepy, or ugly or undesirable in some way, he learned that compliments = social humiliation. (Likewise, I challenge you to find a girl who hasn’t been rejected after putting herself out there in some way.)
So now, through learned behaviour, said guy will likely not ever risk that kind of humiliation ever again by being honest with a girl.
By progressing to a point where men and women are (on paper) completely equal, chivalry has become a casualty.
I’m of course making some sweeping generalizations here. But the point is, chivalry can’t really exist in our society anymore. Instead, we can make a case for good manners and decency; there is certainly a lot to be said for being polite. It’s very nice to have a door held open for you, or to take advantage of the ladies first sentiment, or have somebody pick up the tab for drinks- but we’ve also progressed to a point that that’s about as good as it gets.
Part of chivalry is on the shoulders of the recipient. It’s hard for a man to be chivalrous if a woman isn’t going to accept the gesture.
This isn’t to say that women should just roll over and take it for the sake of a dead set of traditions. Rather, it’s more of a case of not being able to have cake and eat it too. And learning to be ok with that.
